Turning over a new "LEAF"

I have been homeschooling for about a rough 5 years. And, in all the years I have been doing this I have had the public school method in my head.

Sit
work
sit
work

6 to 8 hours later we/he was finally getting through with school. I was about to pull my hair out. I threaten public school about 3 weeks ago.

We were starting our typical Monday morning routine. He got up looked at his assignment sheet and sighed "this is going to take me all day". And, he was telling the truth.

Frist let me tell you how I have his assignment sheet set up.

Bible

Memory Verse

Vocabulary

Spelling

English

Science

History

Reading

Math

May not be in that particular order, but that irrelevant. I would then look in my teachers guide and write down the assignments for that day. I thought by doing this I would be teaching some responsibility. I figured when he would get through with one subject, that didn't require me to help me through it, he could just pick another and work really at a steady pace.

However, this has proven to not work for either of us. Not only did he NOT pick another subject he would come and let me know each time he was through with the current subject. I felt in my heart that boy this kid just can't get it. I talked to him repeatedly about just moving on, that this is one way you can show me that you can do something's all on your own. I gave you the work now you should be able to choose what you can do independently. But, day after day after day, I was constantly telling him to pick something and get back to work.

At this point, which was 3 weeks ago, I lost it!!!!

Let me be transparent with you. Please don't judge me and think that I am some psycho crazy mom.

Back to the comment Bro made that "typical Monday morning". After breakfast he started on his work with this I don't give a crap attitude. And, I frankly had an attitude as well, because I just got into that mind frame Today we fight. And, that is exactly what we did.

He rebelled and I provoked. This is the struggle we did ever day for the last 5 years.

He was sitting in the recliner working/staring on his science reading. All he had to do was read 7 pages out of the book, and boom science would have been done. I walked by and noticed that he had only read 3 pages in the last 40 min.

~This is not one of my best moments!~

I asked him what was he doing. He gave me a blank stare and said reading. Off the deep end I jumped. No you were not or you would have been done 20 min ago.

I yanked the boy up and tore his butt up and screamed and hollered and well frankly made a fool of myself.  After, I let my flesh have its moment. I realized what I had just done. What I had just become. I realized that I just compromised my relationship with my son.
The son whom God, blessed me with. A child who needs a mom who will love him unconditionally. And, that day I was not that mom. I was ashamed. I needed to go before God and repent. There was no other way around that. I then called my hubby and told him of my selfish actions.

I was broken, he was broken, Bro was broken. Now what? This is the question my hubby asked. I had no idea. All I did know was that I was tired and weary. Thankfully Christ called all who are weary and worn. So, before God I go again.

Seeking how do I do this school thing. So, for the next two weeks I struggled.

I began talking to some other mothers/father who have been homeschooling for years. Their wisdom was just what I needed to hear. I knew the Lord was using them to teach me. (Thank you Jesus)

So, this week our new "leaf" began. I am learning that he doesn't have to sit there for hours writing sentences, working out math problems, reading book after book.

I am learning that school can be fun and joyous. All the while he and I are both learning to respect each other again.

I won't say we will never have another struggle again, I am saying that I will be a fruit of the Spirit mom.

I also learned that in the end, none of this matters when we are called home.

What does matter is that I teach my children to love the Lord their God with ALL their heart, soul, mind. Because when we obey Him and let His spirit live in us then we will be the prime examples our kids need to learn to live by.