Tis the season to be Jolly!!
But, as this Christmas season approaches I feel some what empty on the inside.
Before I ever had children I was totally against it. I NEVER wanted any kids at all. My life was great. I got to do what I wanted when I wanted with really no one to answer to. I was my own boss and proud of it.
Until I met Brandon. I was in totally love with this "boy" of 23. Being my own boss and all I decided to move in with him. I was in my eleventh year into high school.
What was more cool that a Junior living on her own with her boyfriend..? Nothing. Shortly after that I turned up pregnant. I was not happy. I considered many different options.. Abortion, Adoption. I was at my wits end.. Here I am loving life and now I am pregnant. Over the course of 8 1/2 months of this baby growing inside me my feeling for him began to change. (This was a God thing even though I was not a believer at the time). I wanted to see him and hold him and so the options of abortion and adoption quickly left me. I have never considered it again.
When I had Ty I was overwhelmed with how much I could love someone I only just met. And my life with him grew and my love for him grew. After a year I considered one child is enough.
We were happy. He was a handful. And my life was not great but I had Ty and that was all that mattered to me. At this time Ty is not quite a year old yet and I am working 2 jobs just to make ends meet pay this babysitter and that babysitter.
Then I met Chris my ex-husband. During my marriage to him I became pregnant again. This time I was delighted. I was ready for another child. Ty was almost 3 and I really felt like a new baby in the home was just what us Dryden's needed.
June 21,01 Syd was born the most beautiful baby you ever laid your eyes on (personal opinion). But once again life was splendid.
Time moved on and my marriage came to an abrupt end. Custody was split every 7 days. (This was not hard at first because I was wanting to have fun, Arica style).---SELFISH.
In April of 07, I met my future husband. At the time of course I didn't know we were going to be married but God did. And now I am servant to my Lord. I found my way to Christ. And, splitting the kids is not so good to me anymore. I wish they were here..
Now I really considered my family to be complete. We are sporting 3 kids now. Ranging from 13 to 7.
We have been married for three years and not long ago my life feels like something is missing.
I believe that the Lord has laid on my heart to have more kids. Through birth or adoption. I spend day looking at children in orphanages. I pray for them.
There is something that I am also tired of doing and that is sharing my kids. I never realized how important motherhood was until I got into God's word and began studying on how I am suppose to be. Now my heart burns for the love of my God, husband, and my kids.
There are so many different people in my homeshcool group that have had babies or adopted kids or are in the process. I am jealous. I admit. I pray that my husband was more forth coming in my heart desire than other matters which he is considering.
So this Christmas I feel like there is a piece missing from the Griner family.